Learning From My Mistakes

Wow, time flies right?  It is really funny because for the past 4 years I have been playing out my life on my blog.  I just needed a release and while I realize, now, that it might not have been the best place to do it, what's done is done.

Blogging, for me, didn't start out like that.  My original family blog started as a way to keep our long distance friends and family update with life.  As I got more and more depressed it became a place to vent my feelings and tell my story.  I slowly sank into myself while living my life out on my blog.

How does this all play into my current situation?  Well, through living my life on my blog and being so sunk into myself I have, apparently, come across as being self centered.  In the past few years, I have lost some friends because I was simply not capable of being a good friend.  I have really spent sometime looking at that lately.

I think people don't really realize how depression effects people.  Yes, it makes you sad and down but people don't completely get it.  For me, I haven't been able to be a friend to others because I have been so worried about my own self.  I get down and so I don't pick up the phone to call.  Then I feel so bad that I haven't called that I just let more and more time pass and my anxiety builds and builds.    It is a horrible cycle.

The best part of this learning process is friends who have been honest with me in a very loving way. Letting me know how my actions have hurt them without zinging me or being overly sarcastic.  Telling me when they know I am trying to reach out.  Picking up the phone when they are frustrated with me and letting me know they understand that I have sunk back into my hole but I can come out.

We all know how sarcastic I can be, but I realize now there is a time and place for that.  I also realize how my sarcasm has hurt people in the past without even realizing it.

I really feel like I am making some amazing changes.  I like the newer me!

Comments

  1. AngelaJune 3, 2010 at 8:00 AM

    I used to be pretty sarcastic too. That is how I grew up! I too had to learn from friends that sarcasm is taken seriously by many and I don't do it anymore. I think my 30's has been my biggest period of time to learn about others and how my actions effect my friendships. In my 20's I was too self centered to care for the most part. I had the attitude accept me as I am! Now I try and realize the friends I have around me and what their needs are! Good luck Lia, I have always loved reading your blog and never thought you sounded self centered. Everyone needs a place to vent, right?

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  2. YFJuly 4, 2010 at 2:13 PM

    all of us are learning - that is why you grow old and wise... :-) good for you to continue to grow and learn, and hopefully we all will and can all just worry about our own growth and not worry about what others are doing. that is a growth for me. xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete

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