Resurrection

Yesterday was Easter and while it is great to be searching for eggs and eating tons of chocolate, that isn't really what Easter is about.  The day is really about Jesus rising from the dead.  I am not going to go getting all "Jesus freak" on you, don't worry!

I have gone back to church and I am enjoying it.  I will never be a "bible thumper" nor do I think you are any less of a person if you don't go to church or believe or whatever.  For now, church leaves me with a good feeling.  Ashley loves it and I enjoy meeting some new people while hearing a positive message.  You can really translate any of the messages to your life which is sort of what I need right now.

As I sat in my apartment last night recapping my day, I decided that I was going to see Easter as my starting over point.

It seems as if my husband and I will be moving forward with divorce.  Do I know that it is the right choice?  No.  What I do know is that some days I am very clear that I am done, some days I am not so sure that this is the best choice but I never here a voice screaming at me that it is for sure the wrong choice and that tells me something.

Recently someone very close to me asked me if I am happy.  You know what?  I am.  Even on the days when I am lonely and sad, I am still the happiest I have been in a long time.  When I feel terrible that I can't find a job and that my parents are footing my bill, I am still happy.  I have a lot to be happy for!

First, I have an amazing daughter who is my pride and joy.  I have amazing parents that are helping me every step of the way, even when they are cursing my job status.  I have great friends who even though they don't call me every day, they are there when I truly need them. More than that, I have me.  I have relearned that I am a strong woman.  I am capable of loving someone fully and I am deserving of the same.  I am deserving of respect and I am ready to do the same.

I will survive this.  I will be a better woman and a better partner because of it!!  It is my rebirth, my starting over!  It is a good life and I see it continuing to get better whether I am divorced, married, single or whatever!

Comments

  1. RobynApril 5, 2010 at 8:55 AM

    Thinking of you, honey.

    ReplyDelete
  2. mamafishApril 20, 2010 at 7:36 AM

    I think you rock! I keep saying (not to be redundant, but to be supportive) that these hard steps forward will yield HUGE benefits in the long run. Push through it and show your Strong Self. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete

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